The Season of Self Regard — For My Sistahs
Dear Little Sistah’,
I have some things to tell you. Things I want to share with you so you don’t waste your one precious life. They are things I learned for myself, but not until I was a fully grown woman. It’s not that all of those years before I came to my season of self-regard were a waste, no they shaped who I became. Like your many years will shape who you become. I just want to give you some guidance so you can be fully attentive to the lessons that will come your way. I want to help you so you can be discerning in the feedback the world will give you — and can draw a distinction between what of that feedback is a gift and what of it is meant to do you harm. And my hope is that with some understanding you can fully live into your best self, even if that best self is unique, misconstrued, and yes sometimes feared.
Your presence in this world is on purpose. And every moment of your life is moving you towards who you are meant to be. And who you are meant to be is ever-evolving — not one fixed point in time, place, or title. It is a false pressure that a person has to identify one singular purpose for their life. You can and may have multiple life-purposes. What feels like your passion in your 20’s may look different from your passion in your 40’s, and that’s all okay. Explore and try new things. Put down what doesn’t serve you and dig into what brings you joy.
Don’t let history define you. Every mistake, pain point, fail or trauma is meant to teach us something. But sometimes we can wallow in the pain and disappointment to the point of our own detriment. Focus on what’s in front of you — the here and now, and the things you can control. It becomes unproductive to spend too much time mourning something we can’t undo. Only dwell in that space long enough to understand what you were meant to learn from the incident and then make it history.
Be your authentic self. As women, especially women of color leaders, we are often measured against a white cis-gender male ideal of what leadership should be. A style and affect that is completely outside of our identity. Things that never get paid attention to for others — the shoes on your feet, the intonation in your voice, the slightest of expressions on your face, will all receive laser-focused judgment. Your talent, strengths, and creativity will be rendered invisible many times over. And that means the onus will be on you to toot your own horn, point out your accomplishments and success. Let them know when you fixed a thing that no one else could. But when you can no longer be true to yourself, authentic in who you are, don’t be afraid to move on.
Give yourself some grace. I know you’re a badass. But for your survival, it will be necessary some days to put down your staff, cape, and crown and give yourself permission to rest. We tend to drive ourselves to exhaustion and sickness, especially for the people and issues we care deeply about. It’s not sustainable. You can’t give the best of yourself if you’re drained. I know you think, if not me than who? But the reality is the fires, big or small, they’ll still be burning in the morning. Pour a bit of water on it and make time to restore yourself.
Love,
Your Sistah’ Maya